November 13, 2009

only brave until scared

Well, i have received some good news, that i am both extremely excited and extremely scared about. Change is good though, i think it is, i hope it is. Its a strange thing though. And it holds it's own little overwhelming ambiguities. 

Some piece of me is so ready to get out of here, I'm ready for so many reasons, for something new. And so many of my ambitions tell me its the right move, and i like to believe that i live for my ambitions. That to some degree my actions are propelled by dreams, and that if i follow through, i will be successful in all that i desire. Yet, I'm full of unparalleled insecurities. Because with so many possibilities for success comes so many possibilities of failure. And I'm far from pessimistic, but i must consult some force of reason time to time. I hate it though, consulting fear.

Security is making me safe, predictable. I fear the epitome of life becoming dissatisfied by routine. So many times, i look at people in my world, and watch them slowly grow sadder and sadder with their disappointments; lethargic with all of their day to days. And i promise that i will never let that happen. So many times moments in which something new enters us, moments like those are to often unnoticed to become consequential. Mostly because we are so quick to reject them, sometimes i don't think we even realize that we do so. So despite my fear for change, in all it

s definitions, it is the hardest goal to set. I have to believe that i am doing something good. Believe in the depth of it all that its right. In any case, even if i am wrong, the belief has a funny little way of overshadowing reality. 

-So I guess that it is the cool thing to sign with our initials, it works. 

-BMW; You know what i have come to realize, everyone is so afraid of being cliche, but you know what if something is used enough to become cliche in the first place, well then it must to some extent be right. Lol. But anyway. I do that too, to escape the mind, well not play b-ball, i go running though, or something physical. They say endorphins work as "natural pain relievers". I agree. And yes, all comments are loved. I love input, thoughts, whatev you feel like saying really. :) 

-BAM; I'm glad you share my 'obsession', i so get what you mean too. I find my self doing that all of the time to. Sometimes i will be with someone, and i can not help but wonder how we became friends to begin with. (o- and of course, sometimes im thinking, my god we were meant to be friends, lol). But its strange. I think it goes back to the discussion of how people just change. 

But i really like your "type" you describe, because it couldn't have been said better. I have friends who i absolutely adore, and i love being with even if we do nothing. I love their thirst for life, all of their passions, and fuels. I guess you can say it makes them beautiful. And it just makes me happy to be around them. And then there are those that just do not have that same love for it all, or maybe they just lost it somewhere along the way, who knows. I think on some level we think that we can help them find it again, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. It's so hard to describe what "it" is, but i know what you mean, i really do. 

-Stay Beautiful - jess 

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