ephemeral

ominous

urban construction

prospective

money machine

radiance

night life

The night brings about an entirely different life. 

After the day has left and the shops all close and the main of the city is asleep. 

The silent streets cast a light, sharply dividing shadows on the pavement and passions all become sway. 

Transgressive Nights

I had a dream of you last night. 

Funny, night. How it does that. 

Only in darkness do I find my vices so forceful. 

Creeping in on me, constantly, like flickers of light 

On cold lamp lit streets in desolate hours. 

Paralyzed, I lie still. 

Movement might bring ripples, I don't risk it. 

Still in my silence induced snow. 

So austere, memories, in matters of treatment. 

There is nothing more oppressive than recollection. 

But decadence comes with time. 

I'm not sure what to make of it all. 

All of these things occupying space in my mind. 

Certainly not what to say. 

Words. How I fear words sometimes. 

So I hold my tongue.

Grace is distant. And I look for the correlation. 

But I can not connect things. 

It's all a blur, like dreams so often are. 

At least they're consistent. Or perhaps just discordant.   

How strange dreams bring things, 

Only in the depths of consciousness 

And darkness and sleep. 

The dream ends. My eyes open. 

I get up. Life goes on. 

and so forth

And your good with the words that take my breath

And I'm good with the thoughts that make my head spin 

And all those lines that linger in empty spaces standing between 

Well im not so sure what they all mean

[incomplete]

some new photography

words to come later 

metamorphosis

This atmosphere consumes 

like seas of insecurities 

Salty waves crash 

on my shoulders, encompassing 

my body and dragging me under 

With every feeling and leaving me 

to grasp for breath 

Amidst the pain of currents and swells 

Till I’m past the tide 

and simply floating

Left with nothing 

but hallow remnants

I look to the sky 

as the night glides over 

The fleeting sun with its 

blankets of darkness 

Dots in a canvas

of vast existence 

I search to fathom 

soul saving reasons 

but among hesitations of 

constellations stands empty space 

And I am helpless 

to even see the moon

Struggling with its absence 

Till a blinding beacon 

cast and I am forced to close my eyes 

I wake to the sound of 

A thousand voices 

and lying on the surface 

Of a ship moving 

through absolute perils 

of swaying waters 

Calmly riding, with surrender, 

the path of the sailors 

Merciless to concern my mind 

with any thoughts of 

destination Then immanently 

we reach some land 

and I am forced to interaction 

Digging my feet into 

the sand I enter into 

a new state of mind 

Boundless products of 

drawn out time engaging 

contradictions of self 

Acceptance I can see 

a beautiful sight 

As I walk with balance 

through the beach 

Liberation of previous 

confusion endorses 

a surface of possibilities 

Where I stand infinite.

gravity

We move in slow motion, 

as I watch your hand grace 

across my leg to reach for mine. 

The walls fall down, 

we embrace every movement,

every sensation as we ignore 

the impeding certainty of time. 

Trembling your lips sway, 

just barely brushing the skin of my neck.

And every tension unbearable of decadence 

is produced with restraint, 

while each touch lingers. 

But eyes reveal intentions, 

and such implications are defenseless.

The smell of night fills the air, 

radiates this limitless yearning.  

Your eye lashes quiver stolid to the 

rhythms of music like a piano.  

Every breath is seen in some solitude of sound. 

Powerless, we embrace the nature 

stealing our will with impetuous notions. 

Falling prey to gravity, our emotions give rise. 

And hearts increase in beat, as lips collide. 

only brave until scared

Well, i have received some good news, that i am both extremely excited and extremely scared about. Change is good though, i think it is, i hope it is. Its a strange thing though. And it holds it's own little overwhelming ambiguities. 

Some piece of me is so ready to get out of here, I'm ready for so many reasons, for something new. And so many of my ambitions tell me its the right move, and i like to believe that i live for my ambitions. That to some degree my actions are propelled by dreams, and that if i follow through, i will be successful in all that i desire. Yet, I'm full of unparalleled insecurities. Because with so many possibilities for success comes so many possibilities of failure. And I'm far from pessimistic, but i must consult some force of reason time to time. I hate it though, consulting fear.

Security is making me safe, predictable. I fear the epitome of life becoming dissatisfied by routine. So many times, i look at people in my world, and watch them slowly grow sadder and sadder with their disappointments; lethargic with all of their day to days. And i promise that i will never let that happen. So many times moments in which something new enters us, moments like those are to often unnoticed to become consequential. Mostly because we are so quick to reject them, sometimes i don't think we even realize that we do so. So despite my fear for change, in all it

s definitions, it is the hardest goal to set. I have to believe that i am doing something good. Believe in the depth of it all that its right. In any case, even if i am wrong, the belief has a funny little way of overshadowing reality. 

-So I guess that it is the cool thing to sign with our initials, it works. 

-BMW; You know what i have come to realize, everyone is so afraid of being cliche, but you know what if something is used enough to become cliche in the first place, well then it must to some extent be right. Lol. But anyway. I do that too, to escape the mind, well not play b-ball, i go running though, or something physical. They say endorphins work as "natural pain relievers". I agree. And yes, all comments are loved. I love input, thoughts, whatev you feel like saying really. :) 

-BAM; I'm glad you share my 'obsession', i so get what you mean too. I find my self doing that all of the time to. Sometimes i will be with someone, and i can not help but wonder how we became friends to begin with. (o- and of course, sometimes im thinking, my god we were meant to be friends, lol). But its strange. I think it goes back to the discussion of how people just change. 

But i really like your "type" you describe, because it couldn't have been said better. I have friends who i absolutely adore, and i love being with even if we do nothing. I love their thirst for life, all of their passions, and fuels. I guess you can say it makes them beautiful. And it just makes me happy to be around them. And then there are those that just do not have that same love for it all, or maybe they just lost it somewhere along the way, who knows. I think on some level we think that we can help them find it again, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. It's so hard to describe what "it" is, but i know what you mean, i really do. 

-Stay Beautiful - jess 

people

I think I have a minor obsession, with people. Not all of them. Or really anyone in particular. Well maybe some. I am obsessed with the complex mind. I have become more and more drawn to people who can give me interesting thoughts, and innovation,  and I love it. Wait does this mean I am growing up? Or am I just a dork who over think things? 

I mean, its kinda cliche but I have been told on countless occasions that I tend to over-think things, that I tend to over-think life. That I just think to much, analyze to much, worry to much, try to hard to figure everything out. And by some degree I am sure this to be true. But what an ambiguous assumption. Can life be over-thought? And at what point is over-thinking measured? In any case, this is where my obsession falls into play. I HATE it when you try to have a conversation with someone, a deep conversation, or a serious conversation and they completely disappoint you by their degrees of apathy. But in opposition, I love it when I find someone who doesn't give me that tilt-of-the-head, trying to hid confusion or laughter look, but someone who listens to what your saying, and responds and completely surprises you with their words. And sometimes just listening to, even if they have no advice to offer, but the listen, with out the ?-look that really just means shut up. Oh and I love it when I fall into those people unintentionally, like when I make a comment and am greeted by some words I was never expecting. 

I think these people are important. And beautiful. I have a little list of them in my head, and they are always the first ones to thought when I have something on the back burner in my head or something I just have to let out. 

Really random topic- i no. 

-stay beautiful 

rainy days

Raindrops 

I

Woke 

Up to another 

One of those foggy

Day mornings. - It's been 

Raining, but I'm not complaining,

I don't mind. - Condensation covers my 

Windows - as we get in the car, you and I,and

we drive. - We miss our exist but thats just fine.

Into the grey horizon with bright headlights. Impeding

Realities slip into dreams -- I notice you still have your  

Slippers on, I giggle though cause im wearing no shoes

At all. and this is right where I wanna be. with your brown 

Eyes matching my coffee. Content to just drink it up. I love

The fingers holding my hand. And my mind drifts away to

Quiet reverie. -- This of course was not our plan for the 

Day, but somehow it results in an empty gas tank. 

As the clouds again begin to spill, and raindrops

Dance back and forth on the window. I woke

up to foggy skies, but just the same

--I think I like their kind--

So being the first of the month and all, I feel slightly compelled to indulge in ambition, and set my self some goals. So 

Goals for November: 

1. Save some money - for real though 

2. Meet all my deadlines for T.State related things, and get everything organized so that way I will not be thrust into chotic confusion like I was at the start of this semster. 

3. Improve on my seamlessly grace deficiency - I do believe I have publicly found my self on the floor more times this past month than I care to count - I really do need to work on not being so clumsy - to include hurting my self at work, and drooping things. 

4. Make more time for art. 

5. Reduce my time/money spent in municipal court 

Experiment: I keep discovering more ppl who read my blog - and it makes me happy - leave comments if u do - even if its just to tell me you do - because im curious - and if you have your own - leave a link - im an entrepreneur of thoughts 

avant-garde

avant-garde |ˈavänt ˈgärd; ˌavä n |noun (usu. the avant-garde)new and unusual or experimental ideas, esp. in the arts, or the people introducing them : works by artists 

I think the oddities of the world are a big part of what makes it all so beautiful. I love the mirth of life's nebulous haze, and the way it inspires and defies rigid classifications so conventionally accepted. But at the same time i am learning to seek out the anarchism in day to day occurrences as well. Open eyes is the very essence of beauty, and even then looking isn't always seeing. 

Dramaturgy Decadence

Dear, dear please find your composure, your a mess 

And you are spilling time all over the floor. 

Find a mirror, fix your hair, and your make up,

Then put the mask you hate to wear back on.

Superficially sickened, your screaming for attention

But envy when your empty tends to always come out poor. 

Full of vain, full of malice, ever lost, ever hopeless 

Get on the stage, curtains set to depart soon.

You've got moments to find confidence; this is serious, 

The theater audience is taking their places; 

As the boy in the vest and top hat is speaking your name

into a microphone. Hurry quick, its your introduction, 

the watch is ticking fast; imminent inertia, no time to stall.

Change out of the black, put your red dress back on 

Decadence is simple when you've loss feelings of feeling 

remotely unique at all. But time to go, talk is cheap, 

And your pockets have nothing. Opposing conviction, 

High heals full of poise as you slip them on,

The lights go dim, and smoke fills the floor, 

You see the piano man begin playing your tune. 

Nostalgic..fake a smile..hold your breath..count to three 

And dance your way across the floor, your own little tragedy. 

considerations for entanglement

I'm considering that people are who they are for a lot of reasons, and at best, it is interesting to try to understand them. In some moments you find your self humbled by their inner most thoughts, and secrets, and that is an aspect of them, but it is not "them", not all of them. Other times, you see their surface appearance, the person they justify them self as. When they meet someone new, or are trying to maintain some composure of who they wish to appear to be. Which is much the same as the person they sometimes pretend to be. I'm considering more and more though that who people are is un-understandable and that no amount of words would serve to describe a person, because they would all be brutally inaccurate, at least to some degree. No one shares the same experiences and that is what makes our fears, our joys. And I'm considering that against all opposition the real reason we try to figure out people, is because we are really just all trying to figure our self out. 

-stay beautiful 

fallacy

i'm growing out of this darkness that seems, to be becoming of me

Like a volcano, just waiting to erupt; i'm full of this anger 

And i can't say it's fair to all those, who try helping me up when i fall down 

Which happens to be more and more these days

Then i drift away, away to where the world spins slowly

But every single time i find, i'm running in place

because there's no escape from pain and all the earthquakes

So i try living for the moments, and embracing the simple transitions, of everyday 

Until my moment is frozen and i'm caught up in the poring rain 

Someone get me out of this rain 

Won't you get me out of this storm filled cloud, it keeps bringing me down 

Oh, I'm falling down 

Down 

I suppose there's got to be a balance. 

So now, i think i'll try, to learn to walk on water 

Because my wings are worn and im starting to forget how to swim 

i'll let you know when i find the balance, when i figure it out

new

I suppose this will be the very first entry of this new blog. 

Basically I have been writing a lot lately, I have a lot of random thoughts that I file in note books or random fragments of paper, napkins, or receipts. So I thought I would give this a try - and I have been wanting to put my photography on a web site for a while. 

-Jess